HR Rocks...Can I Get an Amen!

Literally the week from hell!

Square pegs being forced into round holes, left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing, so on and so forth! Its a big ole mess and we are smack dab in the bleepin middle of it, when out of the blue, the clouds part, the sun beams rays of light and I am filled with a sense of serenity because there is nothing more I can do about the days cluster f@%$s!!

This is what I wanted to say...

Somebody didn't tell someone else to go to Staples and pick up Grammy tickets, but something needed to be faxed before they left and that didn't happen, so now the tickets won't be released, can't get in without them blah blah....could have gone down to Staples earlier this week like several people and picked them up yourself...good luck with that!

Runner spent the whole day in Beverly hills returning items for Chief Bob's wife, no receipts blah blah...Its not like the woman's busy, and couldn't have returned her own crap...good luck with that!

Food orders got messed up for today and Monday blah blah...turn it over to the folks who handle that and presto bango it goes off without a hitch...good luck with that!

Anyway, you get the general drift!

Reality calls upon a famous scene from Godfather III

"Just when we thought we were out, they suck us back in"

we swoop in, get everything straight, work our magic and pull in the proper resources...HUMAN RESOURCES, pun intended, and the day has a happy ending:)

HR Rocks, Can I Get an Amen!

And we're off...

The Brain Trust

Offsite/onsite 2 day executive pow wow is now over and wait until I tell you one of the topics of discussion...Food Emails! Yes, you read it right, food emails are derailing the company momentum!

A little background, as mentioned in prior posts, we have great relationships with many of our local restaurants, so naturally we receive their emails for specials and promotions, which we forward to our employees as a matter of general knowledge.

I choose to believe your average person receives email information, decides whether or not it is relevant or of interest and either accepts or deletes the information at hand, either way, we're talking less than half a minute of thought here! To have spent even a moment on this crap in the sequestered offsite/onsite is not really filling me with confidence in our leadership!

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we changed focus and marketed ourselves as a clown college, clearly we could be industry leaders...but, I digress.

Easy fix, putting them out of their collective misery, will not be forwarding any further food or general knowledge emails, and everyone can refocus their energy on working hard for the brain trust!

And we're off...

Parents, Carpools and Smokers...they figured it out!

Its official, I'm a little slow sometimes! Honestly just figured it out today! Parents, carpoolers and smokers have the whole working cycle figured out! I used to harbor great resentment but its been replaced with pure admiration!

Big project...no can do, I have to pick Joey up from school. Deadline approaching, you all keep working,I'll be right back, going to go smoke (down the street, around the corner and three paces to the right). Need to stay late, oh wish I could but I carpool and they need to leave on time! Freakin Genius!!

Looks like me and the other sheep need to join a carpool and pick up a bad habit or two...Don't hate the playa(pronounced play-ya), hate the game!! LOL!!

And we're off...

House of Cards

People are more savvy and better at playing the game these days, but as any good poker player knows, there is always a tell and someone who can read it!

Its interesting to be a business going through changes and watch the exchanges and interactions, power plays, alliances etc. in action. Old or new there is something at stake for everyone and unfortunately there will be casualties along the way!

The balance lies in how you handle self, communications, compassion in your actions toward others, limit your exposure, protect your public image, bolster your corporate message and weigh the timing of decisions. Its ultimately these things which determine if we the business are worthy of the exchange of money for your labor.

Hopefully we still have a few aces in the deck!

And we're off...

Too Many Chefs in the Kitchen!

Apparently the natural order of the universe blew all to hell this morning, and I am here front and center watching all the pieces fall where they may, broom and dust pan in hand!

Started day with personal appt in a lab with nothing but old people and pregnant women, watching everyone navigate getting on/off the elevators and in/out the doors with bellies and walkers with assorted color tennis ball wheels was strange, hilarious and a smidge annoying because I was in a hurry!

Get to work to find the mountain resort is snowed in, retreat cancelled and now the offsite is onsite starting tomorrow! Oh boy!

CEO's dizzy assistant is all in it, over it, around and through it, and won't get out of it. Asking people with back injuries to help move things, YIKES!! Yeah, no time for ideas and tomfoolery lady, we need to make this happen like yesterday, step aside, I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE!! Leaves promptly at 5:00pm declaring complete and utter exhaustion, cute!!

Taking over the studio for the day, Ditsy Studio Manager, in a constant fog cannot seem to understand what needs to be done, which is block out the studio, listen to what I am telling you, follow my lead, and execute. End of the day,I send a detailed summary email to studio staff who have done this numerous times with me, copy Studio Manager, why do I receive a response asking me what needs to be done??? Nothing sweetie, go back to sleep:)

Chief Bob wants to decide the menu for tomorrow, and will do it tomorrow morning!!
Ok, except if you want breakfast and lunch catered and delivered I usually need to get the orders in as soon as possible! Luckily over the years I have an amazing group of go to restaurants that will take care of my last minute orders stat and perfectly executed. How much you want to bet its going to be one of those places that claims to be set up for catering, but freaks when you place orders for more than 8 people, doesn't have serving dishes to accommodate large parties and they don't really have delivery services lined up regularly!

Can't wait to see how this all works out, I know it will be just fine, the credit will go to all those who did nothing but get in the way, and our natural balance will be restored.

And we're off...

Learning Curves...

Different for everybody, guess it's all in the approach.

There are those who jump in and want to change everything, those that want to study everything before they make any changes, those who want to let it ride and see what happens, and those that are scared to make a move! Currently working with all of them and let me tell you its interesting.

For my part, I appreciate those who want to jump in, get the lay of the land, do what needs to be done and leave the rest alone, but check in every now and then.

One thing I've learned for certain, you can't learn anything if you think you know everything, and there is always something someone else can teach you!

And we're off...

On the Road Again

Just found out I'm going on our Senior Management Retreat!! Woo Hoo!!

CEO Executive assistant, busy, time better spent in office wheeling and dealing. My boss, VP of HR, needs to be on site for various reasons, would wiggle out of this any way possible. So here I am, HR Manager / primary default at your service!

This has happened twice before in my tenure here, last minute travel, blah blah, this and that, no sweat, got it covered! I have learned the only thing you need to know is you are there to fetch, find and confirm, fetch, find, change and reconfirm, fetch, find, update changes and reconfirm the confirmations. Keep the boss's various family members shopping, pampered, entertained, fed and happy, and your golden!! Oh and a warm and friendly rapor with the concierge puts everything over the top!

The part that makes me laugh is knowing this group will be much more high maintenance than the celebrities I've been on the road with the two previous times, we all know most executives secretly think of themselves as celebrities anyway right?

Get ready snowy mountain resort, here we come with our big ideas and hot air, I'm sure we'll have that snow melted in no time! More to come I'm sure.

And we're off...

Historic...Half Ass!!

Switching hats today...HR being changed out for Facilities!

You may have heard or read about the rain we've been experiencing here in Southern California. While we have the great honor of having some of our offices housed in historic buildings, those same buildings can be a bear when the elements kick in...like now!

Four buildings all springing leaks in various places, and each with different guidelines,requirements and allowances for getting things actually fixed! Add to that the threat of flooding, and plumbing issues if the heavy rains persist and you have what we like to call the royal flush!

Imagine dealing with this all week, and your regular work load, only to be asked by your CEO what you've been doing about these things, rattling off status for each issue and basically being told you've done a half ass job! I don't know about you but we burst into laughter!! Of course we are doing a half ass job!! We specialize in half ass jobs...perfected it really! Do us a favor, hire some professionals so we can kick back, eat sandwiches and see how its really done!

Half ass...MY ASS...and blow it out yours while your at it!

I feel better now.

And we're off...

Job Applicants - Help Me Help You!!

Recently posted a part time position...received 625 resumes!! Reviewing resumes for two other positions as well, drowning doesn't even begin to cover it! Have a few thoughts, just going to throw them out there and see what sticks...most are obvious, you would think!

It is not possible to be qualified for every position posted in a given company, PICK ONE and be realistic, otherwise I'll think your not serious!

Read the job description and read how to communicate with me, do not deviate from either!

If you are applying for a position for which you do not have the background, say exactly that and then tell me about your transferable skills and how it relates to the job your applying for. If I received 625 resumes, what makes you think I will spend the extra time on yours, doing all the work, make it pop people!

Email subject lines - tell me what position you are applying for, helps me sort and get your info to the right pile. If you don't, you get moved to the comeback pile, to which I rarely come back.

Contact info - put the best mode of contact! If its email, that's fine, if voicemail, that's fine to! The less awkward for both of us the better. I don't want to call you on your phone at work if its a problem, so don't list problem contact information!

Four pages...OVERKILL!!

Last but not least, spell check and finish formatting! Nothing more annoying than a person who claims to have excellent written and oral communication, yet I find typos everywhere and your formatting is incomplete!

Your average applicant is competing in a pool of hundreds maybe thousands these days. You have less than half a minute to get any recruiters attention, so don't waste it by missing these few simple steps! Be focused, be clear, be honest and it will come through! Good Luck!

And we're off...

Pet Friendly...All For It!

Given the right office environment, every office should have a dog!

At the end of what has been a brutal week fraught with questionable decisions, its so nice to walk our campus and see all of our four legged residents bounding about! To be fair, we've had kittens and rabbits too.

I often forget to tell people who visit or interview that we are pet friendly, and am always surprised to see their faces when we encounter one of our dogs! My first reaction is OH SHIT, I hope they like dogs, so far so good, whew!! It doesn't hurt that the dogs are so flipping cute and playful!

There have been numerous studies conducted on the affect animals have in the workplace, all of them positive I think! Would not have believed it until I witnessed it for myself! Now I can't imagine coming to work and not having a dog or pet of some sort around! If your upset and need some air, someone is always willing to let you play with their dog outside. Just need a change of scenery for a minute, grab some treats and go visit a few cubicles. Want to be amused and ignored at the same time, let the kittens out and laugh while they walk across or nap on your keyboard, sending blank emails to people and erasing lines you worked so hard to set to paper...its really mood altering, resets the tone of your day!!

Now please do not think I am suggesting everyone should bring animals to the office, there are citizenship and temperament requirements to be considered! Unfortunately I can't bring my dog in to the office because I am terrified he would mount the CEO's Maltese, quite frankly I'd rather play with him than deal with a lot of people and there is just too much going on in general to try it. But when I first got him at 8 weeks old, he was here with me daily for four weeks, and it made all the difference in the world to me and others to have the option to bring him into the office!

Pet Friendly offices rock!!

And we're off...

Brokers, Carriers and Vendors, Oh My!

Basic Operating Premise - I am the client!

Back Up Premise - I have done your job before, I know what can be done, don't argue, just fix it!

Final Premise - You will not win because I am the client!

Maybe you can guess what happened...yup disagreement with a vendor.

Its so funny when you can see it coming! Even my boss laughs and says, these people have no idea who or what they are messing with when they start up with me.

A brief synopsis of my work experience would show (in no particular order):

Licensed insurance representative
National Account Manager for a major medical carrier
Brokerage house
Executive deferred compensation
Now firmly entrenched on the employer side

I've done this before!!

Final advice...don't bring a knife to a gun fight!

And we're off...

Always the Boss, Never an Employee

There are a great deal of good things to be said for the entrepreneurial spirit!

Sure we all have ideas of how we could do things in a different way, improve a process or create a brand new niche that would revolutionize our industry and change the world as we know it...but the truth is, very few are truly brave enough to follow through on the challenge of it all. For those that do, my proverbial hat is off to you!

That being said, there is the curious phenomenon of the boss who has never been an employee...NEVER!! I was absent the day they went over that trick, so here I am, in the flock with all the other sheep and I have a thought to share on the matter:

Having a boss who was never an employee is like trying to be on a team with one of those star NBA players that came straight out of high school! Yeah, your on the same team, but something is missing! You know what it is...the transition, critical to a players growth and expansion to the next level!
That stage in college where they start over, on a team where everyone was a high school All-Star, and they have to prove themselves again, and learn how to work with individuals just as capable as themselves, while developing varied strengths and abilities that build upon and contribute to a winning combination and a championship team!

One of my favorite sayings of all time " One does not have to have been a horse before one can be a jockey" is true, but damn it, the horse has a valid perspective too, and if your not careful, you'll get your star ass thrown off once in a while!

I feel better now.

And we're off...

High / Low Maintenance People

We all know them, the people who think they are oh so simple and easy! If only!!!
Can we do one thing in this new year...make a unanimous decision to see ourselves the way we really are and embrace it...huh...can we just!! High or low maintenance...OWN IT!!!

Beer Gut Momma who is still trying to blame her midsection on baby weight from her first child (who is now 2 going on 3), um, you had the gut before you were pregnant!I insist you stop telling me about your diet and nutritionist until you actually lose 10 or more pounds visibly, which could happen if you didn't demand we feed you every two hours (not really, but always wants food in meetings).

Switchboard Annie can you stretch out your constant calling from every 5 minutes to every 15 or 30 minutes, so the people you just issued a new set of directives to can actually think and execute something before the next order from on high!

Precious Boy, can you try and change a desk lamp light bulb yourself instead of sitting in the dark for days complaining and waiting for someone to come and do it for you? Daylight and patience only go so far...its still funny to see you get so worked up over it though!

Captain Panic, everything is not an emergency! It just isn't! Lets try and prioritize, maybe establish some color codes and numbers for situations as they arise, it works for the government, I'm sure it can work for us too!

As for my low maintenance people, you are eternal gods in my eyes, don't change a thing! Well...stop apologizing when you actually need something, really its no problem at all:)

This is the plan, so it is written, so let it be done!

And we're off...

Sugar and Spice...

It occurred to me over the weekend you may think I've gone soft...rest assured, I'm in no immediate danger! Try as I might to be kind, open and accepting, its just not genuine, not from me anyway! Witt, vim and vigor is more my approach to work, people and life for that matter!

As it stands a great deal of my HR intuition is garnered from a natural inclination toward slow and studied acceptance. I'm all about first impressions and gut instincts, and it has served me well! If your the betting type, you could lay serious odds on my personnel predictions!

Sugar is great for those for whom it comes naturally, it has its place and time. Much like the ingredient, Sugar dissipates, is swallowed up, gets masked by other ingredients. Spice stays with you, its the muscle, the key ingredient that can make or break a dish...a little may be too little and too much can turn you off completely!

So here I'll stay constantly adjusting the balance of Sugar and Spice, running 30/70 currently! Honestly the best you can hope for is a 40% Sugar to 60% Spice ratio from the Spout, which will have to be good enough, besides a little spice never hurt anybody!

And we're off...

Grow Up and Fly Away

Today was our receptionists last day! She has an amazing opportunity and even though she only gave us one days notice, I couldn't help but be happy for her!

It can be a challenging experience trying to manage a persons growth within a company, hell, at times its difficult enough maintaining my own career growth.

So far the lessons learned are these:

The way you communicate and manage other people is a huge responsibility, and a big reflection on you, so do your best!

Lead by example, and remain willing to jump in and role your sleeves up if needed.

If somewhere in your career you are part of management on any level, it is absolutely necessary to take an interest in those people who report to you!

You can't be close friends but you can be supportive and dispense equal parts humor and tough love when the situation calls for it.

Honesty and fairness are the best policy! I don't care if you like me as long as you know I will tell you the truth and will always be fair and equitable in any given situation.

I'm so proud,to be able to tell you these things now, because this is what she said she learned from me over our three and a half years together! And to think she is only 23!! Our relationship wasn't always sunshine and roses, but it appears it was good enough.

Its an amazing thing to see someone taking off! If you have the opportunity to help someone grow up and fly away, do it, you'll be glad you did!

And we're off...

Run for Your Life If...

Had a brief and spirited conversation today regarding vacation and sick leave time.

The core argument focused on employees not knowing how much time they accrue at what intervals. The basic issue seems to be people tend to think they have more time than they actually do. My argument remains, when there is no standard of reference readily available, pay stubs or employee knowledge terminals, how are they supposed to know? Its just ridiculous that only two people in an entire company of any size hold the key to that information! Honestly, each time you have to ask them for your vacation and sick time information, its like Oliver Twist asking for more porridge!

I personally believe an employee should on any given day know the time they have available for vacation and sick leave and the intervals that time is accrued so they can make an informed decision as to how that time is used! Front and center is better than clandestine cloak and dagger secrecy any day!

In summary, this information is a basic right and I think critical to being a basically happy employee ( you would be amazed at how many lawsuits are based on wage and compensation disputes)!

Run for Your Life if you find yourself working for a company that doesn't provide this basic information up front, because its only the tip of the iceberg! Oh and watch out for free lunches too!

And we're off...

2010 Going Green...Or Are We?

Greetings and Happy New Year!

First day back in the office, greeted with all kinds of fun stuff!

For whatever reason I was reminded of our 3rd quarter effort at getting on the green bandwagon! Nevermind that I had periodically sent out emails about what we could all do to start making small differences in our workspaces and at large...now we want to do it seriously, and it needs a committee, but shouldn't cost us anything!! Thankfully someone else will be spearheading that campaign.

The idea of trying to be a green company is great, but it does require resources and adaptation of new practices!!

First simple suggestion, everyone have the little banner on their email that says think before printing, why are we told its not going to happen?

We decided to stop buying hot cups in bulk because we have plenty of glasses and mugs around, I kid you not, the President of the company came to my desk and told me to put it back on the shopping list...couldn't be bothered with using a mug and putting it in the dishwasher!

Suggested changing to green cleaning products...nope, too expensive!

Hmmm, sensing a trend yet?

So for now, we will have to be happy with the blue trash bins in every building, and the big recycling dumpster outside...small victories I guess.

The good news is, we have a bunch of tree huggers and vegetarians in our midst (I lump them all together)so it can still happen and probably will happen, just going to be a long climb up that green hill!

And we're off...